Does This Make Me a Cougar? When Tom and I split up, after years of excuses mainly based on fear of being single, we slowly became friends again. It was very emotional and he admitted and accepted that he was mainly to blame. We had plummeted into a rut and stayed there. The romance had run its course and we were in real danger of losing our friendship too. I had always been the main breadwinner, the provider, but had become the parent. There was no going back especially when I found myself explaining to the neighbours that I knew he was bringing another woman into our home and they needn’t keep avoiding me.
During one tearful conversation I asked Tom what he had originally loved about me. I was desperately looking for reassurance and something to build my crumbling confidence on. When he replied, in all seriousness, ‘your bum’, I knew it was up to me to move on. I had nothing left to clutch hold of, nothing tangible to build on. So, I took a very deep breath and decided to be strong and single.
Ten years have passed and I’m doing alright. I was in a relationship with a man called Martin for a year but that made me realise how important intellect and intelligence are to me. He couldn’t hold a conversation about anything. He was so set in his ways it ended up driving me mad. He had to have curry every evening whilst watching ‘The One Show’. If I suggested anything else to eat he would either go off in a huff and get a take-away curry or grudgingly eat the alternative offering whilst screwing his face up like a child eating sprouts. His persistence wore me down and I let him move in with me. That was a mistake that I won’t make again. He nagged and nagged about wanting to get married. He simply wanted me as a trophy. ‘Look at me – I’ve got a house and a wife’. Think on. Needless to say I felt so hemmed in and restricted. My world was getting smaller and smaller and was just based on curry, ‘The One Show’ and avoiding jewellers and white dresses. So, that relationship ended and he moved out and spent the next six months bombarding me with vicious texts and making abusive phone calls. Charming! He was only 8 years younger than me.
I’ve dabbled in online dating but it’s been pretty laughable. I enjoy banter and chatting to others. I appreciate wit and like having a giggle. I met a man online a few years ago. We enjoyed each other’s company in a virtual world until it got to the stage that I really looked forward to hearing from him. Then I spoke to him on the phone. Alarm bells rang as I didn’t like his voice. It was not like I had expected and was a bit high-pitched and grating. Conversation didn’t flow and it felt awkward. But, by that stage I brushed my reservations aside and we agreed to meet. Oh my, what a mistake. Just the way he walked was as if he were apologising or cringing. He grinned at me and said hello. No teeth. Not one. Completely gummy. Then he asked if I had a lighter. Our online conversations had covered the fact that I no longer smoked so why on earth would I carry a lighter and why should smoking be the first thing he did? I made my excuses and left after a decent amount of time. I had traveled to the date and so he was on his home ground so I didn’t feel too guilty. To this day I can’t understand why he hadn’t mentioned the lack of teeth. Perhaps he thought I wouldn’t notice!