It’s easy for couples to drift apart once the children get older. Anna and Jed, who are in their fifties, say that moving their bedroom downstairs, away from their teenage children, is the best thing they’ve done for their relationship.
They now sleep downstairs, in what was the study, and their two teenage children sleep in two of the three upstairs bedrooms. The couple’s new bedroom is smaller but they felt this was a worthwhile sacrifice and promised themselves much more sex as a reward.
“The arm-aching years of nappy changing, toddler groups and the school run are well and truly over for me,” says Anna. “I have a new lease of life, if I am honest, particularly in the bedroom.”
The realisation many 50-something women make is that despite stretch marks, oddly placed skin tags or whatever other scars life has left them with, they are perfectly attractive. It can lead to a new-found confidence and a willingness to experiment.
A new desire for sex over 50
“I gained a sudden, almost ravenous appetite for sex,” says Anna, “but my desire to experiment with bottom smacking and kinky lingerie was hampered slightly by our proximity to our children.
“So, wildly motivated, Jed and I embarked on a big bedroom renovation and rearrangement project.”
Young women rely on their youth and beauty to turn their partners on (well, why wouldn’t you?) but as you get older, you might feel you need to make a bit more of an effort. And particularly so when you’ve been in a relationship 25 years or so; however gorgeous you are, the novelty will have worn off a bit.
More adventurous sex
Anna feels that the new position of their bedroom has given her and Jed more opportunity to be adventurous. “We are basically at it a lot more often and a lot more freely,” she delightedly admits. “We indulge in fun role plays, we can watch porn if we want, and we generally do all sorts of fun stuff that we just did not feel comfortable doing when our daughter was sleeping next door.
“Our sex life has definitely ripened: it is much fruitier now. With all our efforts – both on the renovation and between the covers – it has really matured. We are looking forward to a vintage year!”
The confidence that Anna is enjoying in her body and her appearance is bizarrely rare in younger women, despite their often, more obvious perfection. It has led to a much deeper appreciation of the importance of sex in a relationship for her.
Anna’s secret to good sex over 50
“Good sex stems from affection for each other and decent communication,” Anna believes. “These are definitely things that can grow over a long period of time between a couple, even when they have had a few ups and downs.”
Our activities in the bedroom usually do, sadly, commonly diminish with the arrival of little ones. The inevitable ebbing of desire in a secure, long-term relationship, is something that a lot of us experience.
Moving the bedroom and decorating it in a luxurious fashion certainly gave Anna and Jed’s relationship a new lease of life. If you want to try it in your home, here are some decorating tips to consider.
How to make your bedroom more seductive
Soft lighting is the obvious must-have, as is effective heating, especially in Britain.
- Beautiful, sensual bedding should definitely be on your shopping list: a proper goose down duvet will make all the difference. Get bed linen in flattering colours and soft textures. Crisp white or pretty vanilla sheets are classic choices, but charcoal or plum can be sexy and sophisticated.
- A fur throw, real or artificial, might turn you on, and colourful velvet cushions could be a good addition.
- Invest in some operative blinds or thick curtaining for maximum privacy and cocooning.
- Suggestive artworks could add atmosphere. Search for erotic photographs, sculptures and paintings to place discreetly around the room. Make it personal to you: whatever sparks your imagination.
Whether you are enjoying a new sexual desire in your fifties, like Anna, or you feel your sexuality has been mislaid over the years, give it a try and see what happens.